Valentine’s Day

I don’t often sit on the fence about holidays, I either love them or I don’t. There are always bits and pieces that I love, like the fairy lights at Christmas and the parades on Anzac Day, but there is always more pressure to perform on holidays. There’s the gift giving and the parties and the family drama that so often rears it’s ugly head, and the really important things about the holiday seem to slowly fall by the wayside.

However, all of this being said, I am on the fence about Valentine’s Day. I love the idea behind it-the grand gestures of love and the romance and the flower giving. What I don’t love, is the idea of needing one specific day a year dedicated to the notion. I am a firm believer in romance and kind acts every day, not just on the one day of year that society has selected for us.

I woke up today knowing that my Facebook newsfeed would be filled with Valentine’s comments and stories. Today there were two that struck me the most, which motivated me to actually finish the blog I started three days ago.

The first was a gorgeous update from Emma Loveday:

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. Today isn’t a day to become a mega bitch to your partner because their idea of romance doesn’t match yours. It’s not a day to brag to your girlfriends about who got the best presents and it most definitely isn’t a day to feel as though not having a relationship is the same as not having self worth because that just isn’t true. Today is all about celebrating love in all it’s different forms. It may be the love for your partner, family, friends or even your pets. It’s all love and it’s all worth celebrating. Tell someone special in your life that you love them today.

The second, was a post that really makes your heart swell. My friend Cara Smith Bucholtz uploaded this picture of the note that her six year old son had written for his sister, which says so much about the love in this family and the wonderful way these kids are being raised.

As most people know, I’m not a store bought gift kinda girl. I love gifts that are sentimental and I’m usually more excited by the cards then I am the gifts. This is quite possibly why I don’t like the pressure of Valentine’s Day. I have a boyfriend, who is gorgeous and lovely and romantic all the time, and I absolutely adore him. We weren’t together on Valentine’s Day this year (seriously worst luck in the world), but every day with him feels like Valentine’s Day, and call me deluded but isn’t that the point of a relationship?

We didn’t do the actual gift thing; he sent me a card and a love letter, and I sent him something similar (which I can’t say because he hasn’t opened yet), but all of which came to a minimal cost yet was full of love and sentiment.

I’m thrilled for all of my lovely friends who received roses and breakfast in bed, but it’s not my thing. I don’t like cliches (on occasions like these), I love the idea of fresh lillies or home made cupcakes, things that don’t scream ‘VALENTINE’S DAY’, but more so say ‘I love you’, however this thought could stem from my original belief that you don’t need it to be Valentine’s Day to do kind things for those you love.

If you have found yourself hating life today, as I know my brother certainly is based on his update this morning of ‘Fuck valentines day who needs that shit’, then I have decided to share with you my personal Valentine’s Day survival guide that has been my best friend for many single years (this one included since my boyfriend is a world away).

1. Have no expectations. Despite what society says, you in fact do not need to be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day (or ever if you don’t want to be).

2. Don’t feel compelled to go overboard on the gifts. Sometimes even nicer then the chocolates, roses, jewellery, and fancy dinners, are the hugs, kisses, cards and simple I love you’s over take away Chinese food eaten straight from the box.

3. Ladies, wear matching underwear, a pretty dress, and your favourite perfume. Don’t do it because you have a date or are hoping to find one, do it for yourself, because there is nothing wrong with feeling fabulous just for you.

4. Tell your friends how much you love them! My girlfriends and I always wish each other happy Valentine’s Day, and tell each other how lucky we are to have each other. They are the best kind of relationships.

5. Feel liberated at being on your own. There are great perks to being single, like being able to pick the TV channel you want to watch and having what you feel like for dinner, so discover these perks and embrace them(today and every day after).

6. Think about all the dodgy dates you’ve been on, and remember how lucky you are not to be in a continuing relationship with those dodgy characters (like the guy who picks food from his teeth in front of you and the girl who kept talking about how drunk she was on the weekend).

7. Gentlemen- wear a nice cologne, shave, and dress to impress. The way you present yourself is the kind of girl you will attract, so if you are like my party boy brother who wonders why he hasn’t found a nice girl to settle down with, let’s take a brief look at what vibe you are putting out to the dating world. (By the way if you are a nice single girl and are interested in dating my brother, he is now taking applications. Please do not apply if you have a noticeably fake tan, wear high waisted cheek shorts, or are uninteresting).

8. Remember that today is not the day that you should evaluate your whole life. While you may feel like everything sucks because you are alone and it feels like everyone around you is sickeningly happy, think about the fact that behind closed doors all those sickeningly happy couples have dramas of their own. While today you may hate your job because the girl next to you got roses, or your apartment building because a loved up couple got in the elevator with you, or your favourite restaurant because you had to wait so long for your take away because they were packed with couples, be grateful for having a job, a house to sleep in, and food to put on the table.

9. To many people, love doesn’t exist unless they can flaunt it in front of everyone. There are couples who have invited all of Facebook to be an audience to their relationship, and then there are the couples who are quietly content with being together. While I love the idea of grand gestures of love, I admire the couples who do them for each other, and not just so the world can see. If you are single, and witnessing these gestures and are opposed to them, remember it’s only one day and tomorrow they will go back to having the same relationship problems they did on February 13, they just put them on hold for a day to present themselves to the world as the perfect happy couple.

10. Remember that as hard as it is, the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. So be honest to yourself, take care of yourself, and treat yourself often- you deserve it!

However if all of this fails you, go out, get drunk, and have a big glass of water before you go to bed, otherwise tomorrow will feel worse then today.

Before you resort to that though, I want to share my current favourite love story, and the new yardstick for my relationships.

There is this lovely couple who came into my life in America, and it’s a joy to watch them together. They have family nights, go to church together, share the household duties, and are incredibly kind, welcoming people.

When they first got together, he told her one night that he didn’t believe that a relationship was 50-50, that it should be 100-100, but if she wasn’t sure that she could put in 100% just yet, she could just put in 50% and he would put in the other 150% until she was ready.

As time went on she gradually increased her number, and as hers rose he lessened his, to help keep the relationship balanced.

When she finally reached 100%, she agreed to marry him. Twenty years later they are still together, which she says is because he is  her Ross, and she is his Rachel.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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